Bedtime Stories

Logan, as all siblings has grown up in the shadow of his older sister.  Everything she does leaves an imprint on him greater than my words.  For years they shared a bedroom out of necessity but also I suspect out of a secret longing of his to have a closeness to Bella.  This feeling isn't reciprocated and is one of the reasons we needed to move to a larger house splitting them up.  He still asks me why he can't share with Bella anymore and it makes my heart sad as I feel I'm physically and emotionally putting up yet another wall between them. He doesn't remember how she would wake him in the night singing or banging the walls, he doesn't remember all the nights she climbed onto him as if he were nothing more than the duvet on top of him so she could pillage his toys as he slept.  He doesn't remember crying when she got in his bed and kicked him out or that she'd turn the light on at 4am making his eyes sting.  For now I'm happy for him not to remember but the imprint both positive and negative are made and sometimes they are very clear to see.

Christmas must have!

Logan wants a lot for Christmas, not surprising as his birthday is 4 days before so his wish-lists always tent to combine into one.  Transformers, a Lego train and a Paw Patrol teddy (pillow pal) are on his list.  This morning he added a "Bubble Bee from Transformers dressing up costume" as his best friend George has one.  I do wonder how much he will play with said toys as he tends to only ever want to play on the iPad or watch TV to my utter frustration.  Sporadically I will walk in and see him playing with a toy, fully engrossed, making up a little story and my heart sings.  It's not very often however.  Most of the time I have a chorus of "what can I watch" on repeat as I try and hold off on the screen time for as long as I can.